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Literature
Sometimes
Sometimes, when things don’t go right with life
Times when you find yourself waking up on the wrong side of the bed more often than not
Times when you wonder if you weren’t meant to be born as who you are now
Have you ever had the gnawing thought that you have been living someone else’s life all along? Another child’s, perhaps...
Maybe then you wouldn’t have gotten compared all the bloody time to other children from other families who seem more put-together when in reality, everybody is just playing a game of dollhouse
Maybe then, there wouldn’t be any such things as monthly shrink visits because your mental health would be in tip-top condition
You’re seen as an ordinary person for once in your damn life- another Jane Doe instead of the socially-awkward teen you’ll always be known as even though you’re no longer a teen
Perhaps then, nobody would treat you as the rare jewel you are but a simple rhinestone
Perhaps then, you wouldn
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Literature
Metaphorical
I am metaphorically dying of a metaphorical form of cancer. Half my brain cells have been metaphorically eaten up by it.I keep suffering from metaphorical focal attacks in the form of panic attacks and have to undergo metaphorical radiotherapy in the form of psychiatry every few months. Only, unlike actual cancer, I don't have metaphorical sympathizers. Instead, I get stigmatized as a weirdo just as AIDS sufferers get stigmatized as dirty crackheads. Instead of prayers, visits, and flowers, I get gossips, stares, and when I was younger, cane lashings.
Don't get me wrong, though. Just as a cancer patient would, I stay at home most of the time. And just like one, I get pity and concern for all the wrong reasons.
The only difference is that when I do die at the hands of my disease, (touch shoot that that doesn't happen) instead of a man on a throne welcoming me into his arms as a whole new being, I'd get snubbed and then thrown into the depths of hell
...for "self-murder".
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Literature
Circus
Social anxiety is like an everyday tightrope act where the spectators are the whole frickin' world. Below me is a lake of depression. One wrong step- one dumb action or word- one "full retard" incident and down I plunge into the cold and dark depths like a fall from grace, drowning in worry over how disappointing a performer I am, how the whole show is now spoiled, all thanks to me...
Suddenly, like a miracle and without warning, I'm whisked out of the water, bone-dry by some invisible hand and thrown onto the trapezes instead- my next act- so as to sway as high as I can from mood swing to mood swing in this circus of disorders I work in day to day, travelling from gig to gig in a cage of painful memories
...with a smiley mask painted on
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Literature
Hot and cold
It doesn't take a genius to know that I'm dead.
You can tell that from my cold eyes, my frozen-over brows, and the way I don't think twice before practically throwing my hand into a stove just to feel some warmth that I desperately need someone like you to give me but can't because everytime you try to let me in through your window to shelter me from the cold around my bare shoulders, I always either vanish into thin air or fall off your window ledge like a residual haunting.
Looks like your hotness was never enough to combat my chill- like we always joked about.
Only now, it isn't a joke.
I keep trying to find that warmth in places that I shouldn't and I suppose that was in you because you melted me and then left me lying on the ground for someone else to clear up
...someone as cold as me to freeze me back up again...
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Literature
10 steps
How to fall in love...
1.  Watch him carrying out daily tasks such as preparing his own breakfast, smiling at strangers, taking charge of tricky situations with an "I got this..." instead of a fist on a tabletop every time one pops up.
2. Play "He loves me, he loves me not" with a red rose that someone else had given you, hoping it would win your heart when you really prefer white ones because the only thing close to love you're capable of is romanticizing death.
Mention his name instead of his best friend's every time you mean to say the latter's because he's practically ingrained into your subconscious.
4. Entrust him with your wish to be cremated after you're dead and have your ashes fused into a diamond, reasoning that it is only because his family owns a company which can make these types of wishes happen.
5. Get a tattoo or piercing and not scream in pain because you were thinking about him the whole time.
6. Listen to songs that would sound exactly like him singing your fut
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Literature
Time-travel
Once in a while, I find myself missing the 90′s and then I remember that the only time travel we’re capable of is forward. And we always are- just like the sand in an hourglass.
Each grain represents every time-traveler, every living soul on this planet that has moved on from today to tomorrow. Not a single particle of the fine matter is left at the top portion.
Everything has somehow ended up like sediment at the bottom of a riverbed at the lower-half of the vacuum within the fused glass.
Somehow, only I’m stuck “upstairs”- too huge and odd.
Too out-of-place to fit in with my fine, brightly-coloured, smooth-flowing counterparts on the “floor” below.
So, I decided to stay up there, rooted to my yesterdays instead of letting go and falling to the bottom like the common crowd, not keen to stand out.
Someday, my childhood self with curious hands or future old woman self with shaky hands might just pick me up and throw me across the room or acciden
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The journey by darkchandelier95 The journey :icondarkchandelier95:darkchandelier95 0 0
Literature
Valentine
Every time I think of you, a statue of Mary in the yard of some cathedral weeps blood
Every time we make eye contact, one of the lightbulbs in a chandelier that hangs over a hearty banquet table in some grand mansion flickers and burns out
Every time I see you happy with someone who isn't me, another windowpane in the future home I've built for us in my mind shatters
But most of all...
Every time we accidentally brush hands against each other's, the veins and muscles in my hands immediately move to pick up a pen and write you something that can never articulate how beautiful and precious you are to me
...such as this.
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Literature
This time, last year
If the me from this year had the chance to travel back in time and meet the me from this time, last year...I wouldn't take that opportunity. Instead, I will seize the chance to go back to this time, 10 years ago instead because why choose a time where I'm already dead. Might as well go back to that moment right before I got killed by that bullet through my heart called 'rejection' and push that lil' girl out of the way so I could take it for her instead. (Why victimize an innocent child just starting to really live for once when you can just shoot a fully-grown corpse instead) And I'll simply tell her "Don't be intimidated by their stares just because they haven't seen anything like you before- a delicate creature with wide, penetrating, eyes and wings folded under your clothes, ready to be opened in the worst possible moments and to just fly away." Or better yet, I'll tell her to just fly away right at that moment itself. "That way, you wouldn't have died. That way, maybe I wouldn't b
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Literature
The ultimate resolution
I found myself scrubbing my whole body clean in the shower after you'd left of the endless amount of garbage you'd put me through for ages before you'd finally decided to fucking go...free my mind from being captive to your bloody fingerprints finally...or so I thought...until you decided to make a sudden comeback in the form of haunting the windows in my house, my room, my life one fine night...
The night fireworks were exploding outside everyone else's, only explosions of thunder and lightning could be seen and heard outside mine, revealing the occasional flash of your ghastly image outside the glass like a typical spectral appearance.
But you forget that I'm armed with resolutions- to kick you in the ass completely and find my way out of this room you've got me trapped in. Therefore, stand outside that window as long as you like. I've found my way out...
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Literature
Rejection
Rejection doesn't come in the form of a highschool group of mean girls saying "you can't sit here" or a valentine in a trashcan. It comes in the form of you answering a relatively simple question of "where are you hanging out after this?" or "where did you guys hang out?" with dirty looks as though I'd just invited you to the grave with me, which would've made sense if I took my life right there and then because for a person to get rejected over and over again or even once does make a person feel like dying inside, which in my case isn't necessary because I already am, thanks to my history of hopelessly trying to wrangle my way into cliques, knowing it would end in disappointment, just like the cigarette between my fingers that looked so harmless at first but then again so did you- resulting in a slow suicide, from the inside, only mentally and emotionally instead of physically as caused by the former so that instead of being a human being with flesh and blood and bones and veins, I'm
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Literature
Unfinished memories
The day I left my old home, I could have sworn that when I took one last turn back, you were standing in one of the newly-bare windows- the one we used to look out of together whenever it rained- looking as forlorn as ever.
I know you’re still there, haunting whoever it is that has the audacity to reside there now because after all, I did promise to return one day, hopefully before my last breath, where we’ll meet and start all over again from those unfinished memories that have been plaguing those moments I’ve had before drifting off to sleep where people usually claim to see a face of someone they’ve never seen before- except in this case, it’s yours.
And we’ll roam those places we used to haunt together in my living state once upon a time…once more
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Literature
Bury me alive
Sometimes I imagine life as waking up at my own funeral as my old self while an imposter in a black dress, my new self sits in the crowd with her face obscured by a dark veil under the guise of mourning so that nobody may recognize her, not knowing that I can for my view to the world outside in the form of a pane of glass concealing my pale face, white from the enbalming is exposed that they may all see me for the last time, not caring that I’m still alive and banging on the glass to be let out but everybody’s busy crossing themselves and laying flowers over the box that makes up my new bed. And then they carry me to the grave where I’m supposed to be buried in, all the while as I’m staring up at the sky with tears in my eyes, at God- hoping He’d somehow rain down some revelation on these people that the girl in the casket is still alive but with no avail for my new self has now taken my place, with an assuring hand on everybody’s shoulders so they d
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Literature
Girls are graveyards boys go to die in
Maybe the reason I've always loved visiting graveyards is because I've somehow always personally identified with them- clean, pristine, serene on the outside, and decorated with flowers but gloomy, dark, and cold on the inside- containing skeletons, corpses, bugs- a metaphor for dark secrets or a messy past. Or simply some stupid boy or bad company that had entered my life one point in time and ruined it, causing me to become a grave, out of all the things in the world because...I could've become a house- one where people live in, containing living people instead of a home for the dead containing corpses. But because I'd allowed all the wrong people to walk into my premises- my life, I'm now a magnificent marble structure adorned with roses, pushing up daisies from its soil which buries a dark, gloomy interior underneath it...till the day the trumpets blow, causing any corpse or skeleton inside of it to raise up triumphantly.
The day I won't be a grave any longer...but an actual person
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Literature
Remembrance
I'm lying on the now-empty bed that you had spent the past 50 years of your life sleeping on- or maybe more.
And suddenly, like a haunting of sorts,
I get a vision behind my closed eyelids
Flashes of your gradual transition from a jovial teenage girl into the lifeless pile of, well - dust your form eventually shaped itself into
Year by year
On this very bed
Your legs getting weaker and weaker,
And your bones becoming more and more bent into the final question mark at the end of the sentence that I'm sure hangs from the minds of all of us present in this very home at this very moment
...why did you have to leave?
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Literature
Last wish
All this romanticism of childhood homes and ghosts of past selves started when I first read 'Wuthering Heights' more than 10 years ago, the same time I left my childhood home on a rainy September evening without looking back, thinking that it was to somehow pave the road to a better life but how wrong was I because ever since then, I've never spent a single night not wishing that my life up till now had been just a dream and that I'd someday awake as the age I was back then, in my old room...but to no avail; of course for time has done its job of flying by. Therefore, the best I can do is come up with a ready-made answer everytime someone poses the inevitable question: "If you had 6 months to live, how will you spend it?" and that is: "Oh...to travel to my childhood home one day- on my own (nobody follow me please) on a rainy evening because in the rain I left and in the rain shall I return- not as a bubbly little girl but a brazen grown woman- and as you guessed...go into my old room
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Activity


Sometimes, when things don’t go right with life

Times when you find yourself waking up on the wrong side of the bed more often than not

Times when you wonder if you weren’t meant to be born as who you are now

Have you ever had the gnawing thought that you have been living someone else’s life all along? Another child’s, perhaps...

Maybe then you wouldn’t have gotten compared all the bloody time to other children from other families who seem more put-together when in reality, everybody is just playing a game of dollhouse

Maybe then, there wouldn’t be any such things as monthly shrink visits because your mental health would be in tip-top condition

You’re seen as an ordinary person for once in your damn life- another Jane Doe instead of the socially-awkward teen you’ll always be known as even though you’re no longer a teen

Perhaps then, nobody would treat you as the rare jewel you are but a simple rhinestone

Perhaps then, you wouldn’t have the depth you have right now to be even writing this

Perhaps then, you might be 'just like everybody else'

...common
I am metaphorically dying of a metaphorical form of cancer. Half my brain cells have been metaphorically eaten up by it.I keep suffering from metaphorical focal attacks in the form of panic attacks and have to undergo metaphorical radiotherapy in the form of psychiatry every few months. Only, unlike actual cancer, I don't have metaphorical sympathizers. Instead, I get stigmatized as a weirdo just as AIDS sufferers get stigmatized as dirty crackheads. Instead of prayers, visits, and flowers, I get gossips, stares, and when I was younger, cane lashings.
Don't get me wrong, though. Just as a cancer patient would, I stay at home most of the time. And just like one, I get pity and concern for all the wrong reasons.
The only difference is that when I do die at the hands of my disease, (touch shoot that that doesn't happen) instead of a man on a throne welcoming me into his arms as a whole new being, I'd get snubbed and then thrown into the depths of hell
...for "self-murder".

deviantID

darkchandelier95's Profile Picture
darkchandelier95
Current Residence: My head
Favourite genre of music: Metal/alternative
Favourite style of art: Digital paintings
Shell of choice: seashells?
Wallpaper of choice: anything black or red
Skin of choice: Mine
Favourite cartoon character: L from Death note
Personal Quote: Make a difference in an indifferent world
Interests
  • Have you ever:
  • 1. Skipped class? yes
  • 2. Done drugs? nope
  • 3. Self harmed? yes
  • 4. Drank? yes
  • 5. Shoplifted? hell no
  • 6. Gotten a tattoo? only the sticker type
  • 7. Broken up with someone? Never even been with someone to begin with
  • What's your favorite:
  • 8. Show? Sorry I've stopped watching shows
  • 9. Movie? Black Swan
  • 10. Song? Arch Enemy- You will know my name
  • 11. Tumblr? all the ones I follow !
  • 12. Singer/Band? Evanescence
  • 13. Memory? All my childhood memories
  • 14. Book? Wuthering HEights
  • This or that:
  • 15. Invisibility or Ability to fly? Invisibility
  • 16. Cookies or Cake? Cake
  • 17. Twitter or Facebook? Twitter
  • 18. Movies or Books? Books
  • 19. Coke or Sprite? Sprite
  • 20. Blind or Deaf? Blind
  • 21. Tea or Coffee? Tea
  • What's your:
  • 22. Age? 20
  • 23. Sign? Aries
  • 24. Height? 5'7
  • 25. Sexual orientation? Bi
  • 26. Shoe size? 6
  • 27. Religion? Christian
  • 28. Longest relationship? Never even had one
  • Opinion on:
  • 29. Gay rights? To a certain extent, yes. Otherwise no, because it is after all a sin (I'm a sinner lawl) although I hate churches who bash gays
  • 30. Second chances? Everybody deserves them
  • 31. Long distance relationships? Should be seen more of
  • 32. Abortion? Murder.
  • 33. The death penalty? Totally needed to decrease the amount assholes walking about the face of this earth
  • 34. Marijuana ? Should be legal cuz' what a person puts in their body is their own free will
  • 35. Love? The most overrated thing ever which is super-addictive at the same time
  • Do you:
  • 36. Believe in ghost? The devil, yes. Ghosts, nope
  • 37. Shower facing the shower head or turned away from it? facing it.
  • 38. Sleep with the door opened or closed? Closed
  • 39. Love someone? Duh.
  • 40. Still watch cartoons? Nah
  • 41. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No
  • 42. Like yourself? This is an abstract question. I suppose I do to a certain extent
  • Listening to: the ceiling fan
  • Reading: some amazing blogs on tumblr
  • Eating: Lunch
  • Drinking: tea, as usual

Comments


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:iconpandakitty2000:
Pandakitty2000 Featured By Owner May 28, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED uwu Hug 
Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)
RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 10 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!
Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!
1-3 you're bad friend
4-6 you're an ok friend
7-9 you're a good friend
10-& Up you're loved
Reply
:iconyuri123454321:
yuri123454321 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favourite! :D
much appreciated
Reply
:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015
Thanks for the fav! I appreciate the support. :)
Reply
:iconegoamortigeres:
egoamortigeres Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks you sooooo much for the watch!
Reply
:icondarkchandelier95:
darkchandelier95 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015
You're most welcome 
Reply
:iconegoamortigeres:
egoamortigeres Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I like your whole profile.
Reply
:icondarkchandelier95:
darkchandelier95 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2015
Oh wow. Thank you, sweetie :heart:
Reply
:icontheevilblackrose:
theevilblackrose Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the favs!
Reply
:icondemonrobber:
demonrobber Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015
Thanks for the faves! It is much appreciated. :)
Reply
:icondarkchandelier95:
darkchandelier95 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015
No probs. I do follow you, after all 
Reply
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